Hello, my old friend.
It’s been a while, hasn’t it? Life has been pretty swell for me lately. But I don’t want to bore you with all the details so I’m going to save those updates for my Facebook and Twitter accounts (and no, this is not me subtly hinting at you to add me up or follow me).
So, what brought me to this almost-dead space on the World Wide Web, you might ask? Well, it’s because of this less-than-a-minute conversation that my partner and I had a few days ago that just struck me to my core in ways more than one.
PARTNER: “Yung Mama mo parang ayaw sa bata, ‘no?”
(It’s like your mother doesn’t like kids, doesn’t she?)
ME: “Kaya nga ‘di niya ko inalagaan nung bata, e.“
(And that is why she never took care of me when I was a kid.)
I was very nonchalant. It’s like it didn’t bother me at all. And for a minute, I thought it didn’t. For a minute, I thought I was over the whole bullshit-of-a-childhood drama.
But I guess I was wrong. I guess I’ll never be over it.
I was your typical brat. I had a multitude of nannies (and no, you won’t be able to count them on one hand, not even on two, maybe if you include your feet, you might). I throw tantrums whenever I can just because. I was given all the material shit that I asked for. I was spoiled. And you probably envied kids like me.
To the eyes of the people on the outside, I was living the life. To my eyes, I was living a nightmare.
Could you imagine that I was actually envious of those lesser fortunate than I was? Yes, they didn’t have that much. Yes, they slept in a one-bedroom house shared with their parents and 4 other siblings. Yes, they didn’t get to buy all the coolest toys and latest Sketchers shoes. Yes, they didn’t have that much. But it sure seemed to me that they made up for it by actually being a family.
I remember wishing that I could trade places with them. I remember wishing that my parents could walk me to school like their parents did. I remember wishing that I had the same smile on my face like the one that they wore proudly on theirs. I remember wishing that I had more than eating dinner alone. I remember wishing that my parents could tuck me in at bed and kiss me good night. I remember wishing that I could be somewhere else but there; that I could be someone else but me.
And up until this point in my life, I still wish that I have a family to call my own. I still wish that I could wake up and not feel so lonely. I still wish that I could have someone right beside me and not continue eating dinners alone.
So to you, my love, I will forever be grateful for your existence. I will forever be grateful for having someone next to me, making me feel more and more alive every single day.