Of Life’s Greatest Frustration

Day 9/30 → I have always wanted to be an amazing writer — one that people look up to; one that others use as an inspiration; one who’s proud and confident of her work.

I am nowhere near any of those.

Sure, I write better than some people. Sure, my grammar’s good and my vocabulary’s okay. But it takes more than just those to become a writer. It takes more than forming a grammatically correct sentence or knowing the difference between your and you’re or realizing that there’s no such word as stuffs (as plural of the noun; not singular form of the verb) or informations.

I have been writing for as long as I can remember but I’ve never been 101% proud of my content.

I would read through essays or articles or short stories, or even blogs of some of my favorite writers — those that I really look up to — and I would always be in awe and (sadly) envious of their work.

It’s like words just flow out of them and here I am, constantly struggling just to be able to string words and put together a coherent content that won’t sound blab-ish (you know, those that seem like the person’s just being utterly repetitive and, well, blah). It’s an endless tug-o’-war within and more often than not, I get too frustrated at myself because why the fucking hell can’t I be as great of a writer as they are?

Of course, I realize that I shouldn’t be comparing myself to these people in the first place. Some of us are just born a certain way and some of us actually take the time (which I never did) to hone their skills to get themselves to where they are now.

But still, there are instances when you just can’t help but yearn for more; wish that you’re better or at least as good as others are; and be annoyed at yourself for being just who you are.

I constantly wish that I was better. I will probably always be envious of those who are better. But I won’t hate on them and I certainly would not bring myself down.

After all, if practice doesn’t make it perfect, it certainly will put me a little closer to it.


Stock photo.

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16 thoughts on “Of Life’s Greatest Frustration

  1. Victoria, you have a good point. It doesn’t matter how good we become as writers, our idols, the people we look up to will always be a little bit better than us, always out of reach. They are there to inspire us to reach the next level, as you will inspire other writers that will come after you. Cheers!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I sure will. Thanks 🙂 And technically, there is. But as a verb, not as a noun. As in there’s no such word as stuffs when used as “Hey they’re selling a lot of stuffs over there.” But it does exist as a verb, as in “She stuffs the bag with all her clothes.” 🙂

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  2. I think not even the best writers are exceedingly confident and proud of their own work. That’s the thing with writing: because it’s quite purely our creation, it is something of an extension of ourselves. And no sane person is immune to self-doubt; the same goes for our writing.

    I have a little bit of an issue though about writing so that others will look up to me. Of course we all secretly strive to do things so that others will admire us. But that goal is incompatible with the honest, most rewarding kind of writing. I take the novelist Jonathan Franzen’s advice here: “The reader is a friend, not an adversary, not a spectator.”

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    1. Of course there will always be self-doubt. I get that. This post was merely me, thinking out loud and being frustrated out loud (well not really “out loud” but you get what I mean).

      And no, I don’t think you got the point when I said “I wish to inspire others”. I don’t write with the intention that I need to make people look up to me. That’s just stupid. I’ve always written things to satisfy myself, not other people (the content may be useful to others but the writing process and done work is solely for me). I want to inspire in a way that when someone reads my writing, they’d be like “hey, I want to write too”. Because that’s exactly what I feel when I read the works of the writers that inspire me. Sure their writing skills are impeccable but more than that, they inspire me to write. And that’s what I meant by wanting to inspire others.

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  3. Not related to the content, but I want to say na nakakatuwa nang slight ‘pag tinatawag kang ‘Victoria’ sa comments kasi parang ‘di ko maimagine sarili ko na tatawagin ka sa buong pangalan mo haha

    So anyway. I feel the same way you do when it comes to my writing, so i have no brilliant ideas to share. I guess all we can really do is keep at it, whether we ‘arrive’ at the point where we write like our idols, or not. Also, there are people who enjoy your posts just the way it is, like me. Haha. That’s not to say that you shouldn’t strive to be better, of course. I just want to say that we don’t have to be so hard on ourselves most of the time. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    1. You’re alive! Please update your blog. #demanding HAHAHA

      A lot of people actually call me by my real name, although they pronounce it as “Biktorya”, hence the handle that I use on all my social media accounts @biktoryaa (shameless plug hahaha). Pero Biktorya, V, or Becs is fine :p

      Yeeey. Thanks! Kinilig me ng slight. Hihihi :p There are just days when I feel super frustrated that I tend so hard on myself. I get over it after a few hours. I always strive for the better. We all should 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Sorry naman teh, napahaba ang bakasyon ko. More more catching up din ako sa mga blogs na fina-follow ko hahaha!

        Feeling ko lang ang formal ng “Victoria” hahaha! Biktorya is better LOL!

        Liked by 1 person

      2. Pansin ko nga e. Dahil diyan, thou shall better post about ze vacay with ze girlfriend!! ☺️

        Hahaha. I think there are about 2 people that call me Victoria (for some reason). I prefer Biktorya, actually. Ang lakas maka nanay. “HOY BIKTORYA ANONG ORAS KA NANAMAN UMUWI. SABI KO MAAGA HINDI UMAGA!!!!” Ganern. 😂😂

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